[Seriously?] Something fishy about BioBlitz

A Dutch decision to include animalus lingus — animals hiding in words like ‘scapegoat’— in the BioBlitz is bugging internationals. While the Dutch are having a whale of a time, internationals find the decision hard to swallow. Their grouse is that animalus lingus is endemic in Dutch but rare in English, making it a catastrophe for internationals who want to be top dog in the BioBlitz.

The inclusion of animalus lingus in this year’s BioBlitz was an initiative of Dutch zoologist Dik Schaap, but international Biology student Robin Lamb finds it hard to bear. ‘It’s a mite fishy. My mates and I were beavering away ferreting out critters and cataloguing them. I was feeling bullish about our score, but now the whole thing has gone to the dogs. Our Dutch friends are swanning around and hogging the limelight with dozens of examples of animalus lingus, whereas our sole catch so far is “zebra crossing”.’

Jay Finch agrees. ‘I decided to chicken out and made a beeline for the snack bar instead. Did you know “tent herring”, “pinch cat” and “meeting tiger” are words in Dutch? I kid you not. How can we compete? I feel as sick as a parrot. Although that could also be the five hot dogs I just wolfed down.’

Predator expert Kitty Swift (Instagram name @foxylady) is not so easily cowed. ‘I’m as stubborn as a mule. It was a shrewd move by Schaap, but I won’t be hounded out of the competition so easily.

I feel sick as a parrot. Although that could be the hot dogs I wolfed down

Others are carping about the decision, but not me. I prefer to ape the Dutch. I secretly worm my way into their groups, quiet as a mouse, and as they rabbit on about their animalus lingus examples, I steal their words. You could say I’m a cheetah, ha-ha.’

When asked about internationals’ complaints that his decision gives the Dutch an unfair advantage, Schaap looks sheepish at first. ‘I must admit I didn’t think of that’. But then he adds, ‘We’re not dogmatic. If internationals are floundering, we’ll accept variant spellings — as long as the word isn’t irrelephant.’

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[Seriously?] Express milk, anger or love of beer